PRE-SEASON 2023 AS TOLD BY COACH DUKES

IF I KNOW THE ROUGHLY 50 OF YOU WHO FOLLOW THIS PAGE I KNOW YOU NEED NO REMINDER THAT COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS REARING ITS GLORIOUS HEAD IN A WEEK AND A HALF.  WITH THAT YOU PROBABLY ARE GAUGING A FEW FUTURE PICKS AND A FEW WIN TOTAL PROPS.  FEEL FREE TO TAKE YOUR OWN PICKS, BUT IF YOU’D LIKE TO ADD SOME CERTIFIED WINNERS FROM A PROFESSIONAL; READ ON.

LET'S START HERE. BELOW IS THE TOP 25 POLL I SUBMITTED TO THE ASSOCIATED PRESS.  IF YOU SAW THE ACTUAL COMPILED RESULTS THAT GOT SENT OUT LAST WEEK THIS MAY SHOCK YOU. IT IS SAFE TO SAY NOT MANY OF MY COLLEAGUES IN THE PRESS SEE EYE TO EYE WITH MY TEAM EVALUATIONS. THIS WAS EVIDENCED BY ME PUTTING THE GEORGIA BEAT WRITER FOR THE ATLANTA JOURNAL CONSTITUTION THROUGH A TABLE AT JASON ALDEANS IN NASHVILLE AFTER SEC MEDIA DAYS.  JUST BECAUSE YOU KNOW HOW TO PUT WORDS ON A PIECE OF PAPER DOESN’T MEAN YOU KNOW BALL, AND I THINK THE CURRENT AP POLL IS A DIRECT REFLECTION OF GUYS AND LADIES (ESPECIALLY THE LADIES) THAT DON’T KNOW BALL. 

1. ALABAMA 

2. OHIO STATE

3. IOWA

4. GEORGIA

5. STATE PENN

6. TEXAS A&M

7. OREGON

8. OKLAHOMA STATE

9. CLEMSON

10. NOTRE DAME

11. MICHIGAN

12. TEXAS SAN ANTONIO (UTSA)

13. LSU 

14. AIR FORCE

15. USC

16. MISSOURI 

17. KANSAS STATE

18. NEBRASKA

19. TEXAS

20. UCLA

21. FLORIDA STATE

22. ARKANSAS

23. ILLINOIS 

24. FLORIDA

25. TROY

NOW LET’S GO AHEAD AND GET DOWN TO BRASS TAX. WHERE SHOULD YOU BE PUTTING YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS HARD EARNED MONEY IN THIS FUTURES MARKET?  THE QUESTION YOU ACTUALLY NEED TO BE ASKING IS WHERE SHOULDN’T YOU?  AS SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN IN THE HANDICAPPING BUSINESS AS LONG AS I HAVE, I CAN’T REMEMBER A PRE-SEASON LIKE THIS WHERE THERE ARE SO MANY MONEY MAKING OPPORTUNITIES. 

LET'S LOOK AT A FEW OF MY FAVORITES

SEC

VANDERBILT UNDER 3.5 WINS +150

• I DIDN’T EVEN LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE AND I KNOW THIS PROGRAM IS NOT WINNING 4 GAMES. FOR A SCHOOL THAT TOUTS ITSELF TO BE SO SMART IT’S IMPRESSIVE JUST HOW STUPID THEIR STADIUM RENOVATION IS. NO TEAM THAT PLAYS FOOTBALL ON A HIGHSCHOOL FIELD WINS 4 GAMES PERIOD. 

MISSOURI OVER 6.5 WINS +105

• COACH DRINK HAS THESE YOUNGSTERS BELIEVING. I WILL ADMIT, I LOVED THIS MORE BEFORE THAT VIDEO OF HIM IN CAMO CARGO SHORTS CAME OUT, BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE. THIS MAN IS A WINNER. THIS DEFENSE IS BEING BASHED IN THE MEDIA, BUT HEAR ME WHEN I SAY THIS. IT’S THE BEST DEFENSE IN THE SEC EAST, AND YES I KNOW GEORGIA IS IN THAT DIVISION. ALL THEIR TOSS UP GAMES ARE AT HOME AS WELL. DON’T GET FOMO ON COMO, TAKE THIS PICK

MISS STATE OVER 6.5 WINS +145

• IF YOU WATCH THE GAMES LIKE I DO THEN LAST YEAR YOU SAW A TEAM THAT HAS THE HEART OF A LION. I GENERALLY LIKE PUTTING MY HARD EARNED MONEY ON TEAMS THAT HAVE VETERAN O-LINES AND PIECE OF SHIT KICKERS. THESE GUYS CHECK BOTH OF THOSE BOXES. GIVE ME THE LEADERSHIP OF THAT FAITH BASED IRISHMAN WILL ROGERS AND MIKE LEACH WATCHING FROM HEAVEN AS A CHERRY ON TOP. BANG THAT COWBELL

SOUTH CAROLINA UNDER 6 WINS +105

• THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THIS PUSHES AS I DO BELIEVE IN SHANE BEAMER, BUT THEY HAVE A HORRIBLE SCHEDULE. UNC AND CLEMSON NON-CON GAMES. GEORGIA AND TENN ARE GUARANTEED LOSSES. THEIR TOSS UPS ARE SPLIT EVENLY BETWEEN HOME AND ROAD, BUT I AM HIGH ON MISS STATE, MISSOURI. THAT PUTS US TO 6 LOSSES AND WE STILL HAVEN’T TALKED ABOUT A&M OR KENTUCKY, OR FLORIDA. COCKS DOWN LIKE A GYM CLASS WITH THE MALE PE TEACHER 

SPRINKLES

• BAMA TO WIN THE WEST -105. MISSOURI TO WIN THE EAST 50/1. 

BIG 12

IOWA STATE OVER 5 WINS +115

• LISTEN, YOU NEED TO HOLD YOUR NOSE AND TAKE THIS TICKET. LET’S LAY OUT SOME FACTS. IOWA STATE IS HISTORICALLY A SHIT PROGRAM, THEY DON’T RECRUIT PARTICULARLY WELL, MATT CAMPBELL MIGHT BE DUMBER THAN WE ALL INITIALLY THOUGHT, AND THEIR PLAYERS ARE PUTTING MONEY ON THE OTHER TEAMS.  BUT……. THIS TEAM CAN WIN 6 GAMES.  A SOURCE CONFIRMED TO ME THAT FAT LEFTY WASN’T EVEN GOING TO START THIS YEAR.  BEHIND THE GUIDANCE OF ROCCO THIS TEAM WINS 6

OKLAHOMA STATE OVER 6.5 WINS -110

• THIS ONE IS ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITES. I WAS ACTUALLY STUNNED WHEN I SAW THE NUMBER WAS ONLY 6.5. OKIE STATE HAS 3 NON-CON GAMES THEY SHOULD BLOW THROUGH WITHOUT ISSUE. THEY ALSO PLAY ALL 4 OF THE NEW LEAGUE MEMBERS WHICH I EXPECT GUNDY TO CLEAN UP LIKE THE EPSTEIN ASASINATION. SO WE ARE ALREADY AT 7 WINS AND THEY STILL GET TO PLAY IOWA STATE, WEST VIRGINIA AND KANSAS. THIS TEAM CAN WIN 10 GAMES. 

SPRINKLES

• I DON’T LOVE A TON IN THIS LEAGUE BUT GIVE ME OKIE STATE 15/1 TO MAKE THE TITLE GAME AND TEXAS TECH 10/1 TO WIN THE LEAGUE 

ACC

FUCK THE ACC.  GIVE ME PITTSBURGH 20/1 TO WIN THE LEAGUE 

MOUNTAIN WEST

AIR FORCE OVER 8.5 WINS -110

• THIS ONE COULD GET HAIRY IF SLEEPY JOE CALLS FOR THE YOUNG MEN TO HOP IN THE PLANES AND HEAD TO THE UKRAINE, BUT THIS TEAM IS DESTINED FOR GREATNESS. I DON’T THINK IT’S CRAZY FOR THIS TEAM TO BE ON A BUS TO BOISE IDAHO 11-0 WITH A WIN GIVING THEM A SHOT TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS. THIS TEAM STARTS 21 SENIORS AND 1 JUNIOR AND THEY FINISHED THE SEASON LAST YEAR LIKE ROBERT OPPENHEIMER. THIS ALSO IS PROBABLY THE LAST YEAR FOR THEIR COACH WHO IS ON TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS. LETS GET COACH 9 WINS FELLAS

SPRINKLES

• AIR FORCE 4/1 TO WIN THE LEAGUE. DON’T LIKE A LOT HERE

PAC 12

COLORADO OVER 3.5 WINS +115

• I WOULD LIKE TO BE ON THE RECORD THAT I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN COACH PRIME AND WOULD LIKE EVERYONE TO REFER TO ME AS HE BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE HIM. STANFORD, ARIZONA, NEBRASKA, AND COLORADO STATE ARE ALL AT HOME. ARIZONA STATE, WASHINGTON STATE, TCU AND UCLA I ALSO HAVE WRITTEN DOWN AS WINNABLE GAMES. PRIME IS COMING 

WASHINGTON UNDER 9.5 WINS -145

• LET ME ASK YOU THIS QUESTION. THE LAST TIME MICHAEL PENNIX HAD EXPECTATIONS HEADING INTO A SEASON, WHAT HAPPENED THAT YEAR? HE GOT HIS SHIT PUSHED IN BY IOWA AND THEY WENT LIKE 4-8. I EXPECT A LOT OF THE SAME HERE. I THINK IF YOU WIN 10 GAMES YOU ARE GOING TO THE PAC 12 TITLE GAME, AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS UNIT IS NOT CUT OUT FOR THAT. 

B1G TEN

WISCONSIN UNDER 8.5 WINS +125

• THE FACT THIS BET IS PLUS MONEY IS GIVING BREAKING BAD VIBES WHEN THEY STEAL THE ATM AND A GUY CUTS HIS HEAD OFF TRYING TO GET IN THERE. NEVER KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN. WHEN I LOOK AT THE SCHEDULE I SEE NO POSSIBLE WAY THEY WIN 8 GAMES AND EVEN IF THEY DO I WIN. I'M TAKING THIS ALL DAY. LUKE FICKELL IS A FINE COACH, BUT IF YOU COME IN THE BIG TEN WEST TRYING TO RUN A FANCY OFFENSE YOU GET YOUR ASS KICKED. ITS A FACT OF LIFE 

NORTHWESTERN OVER 3 WINS +100

• ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. THIS TEAM SUCKS BUT THEY ARE PLAYING FOR COACH FITZ. THIS GROUP OF YOUNGSTERS MIGHT ACTUALLY DROP A NON-CON BUT THEY WILL STEAL 2 BIG TEN GAMES ON THEIR OWN. 

MICHIGAN OVER 10.5 WINS -120

• . PEOPLE FORGET ILLINOIS BEAT THEM LAST YEAR HAD IT NOT BEN FOR THE REFS. THAT SCARE I THINK JIMMY HOWLS ABOUT IN THE LOCKER ROOM. THEIR OFFENSIVE LINE IS INSANE I DONT SEE A WAY THEY LOSE UNLESS THEY FALL BEHIND BY MORE THAN 2 SCORES

SPRINKLES

• CONFERENCE WINNER IOWA 12/1 AND NEBRASKA 60/1.  WERE GOING TO FIND OUT IF IOWA HAS RICKY STANZI OR JAKE CHRISTANSON PRETTY QUICK. BUT IT ALL COMES BACK TO THE BIG UGLIES. IF THE OFFENSIVE LINE FINDS SOMETHING THIS IOWA TEAM WILL GO 11-1, IF NOT THEY WONT HIT 8 WINS. NEBRASKA IS IN THE SAME BOAT, THEY ON PAPER HAVE A THE BONES TO BE GOOD, BUT THEN AGAIN SOMETIMES LOVELY BONES FIND YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD DEAD. SHOUT OUT MARK WHALBERG

BEST BETS:

MISSOURI OVER 6.5 WINS

OKIE STATE OVER 6.5 WINS

AIR FORCE OVER 8.5 WINS

WISCONSIN UNDER 8.5 WINS

NW OVER 3 WINS

THANK YOU FOR READING ALONG YOU’RE OFFICIALLY SMARTER NOW THAN WHEN YOU STARTED THE ARTICLE. I WILL BE REVISING THIS LOOK AS WE GO ALONG.

COACH DUKES OUT 

Coach Dukes