BUD LIGHT: IDEAS FROM COACH
BUD LIGHT HAS RECENTLY BEEN IN THE NEWS FOR AN AD-CAMPAIGN THAT COMPLETELY MISSED MY DESK BUT FROM WHAT I OVERHEARD AT THE LOCAL PIZZA BUFFET, IT LOST SOME LIFE-LONG CUSTOMERS FOR GOING THE HOT BUTTON WORD “WOKE”. TYPICALLY IN BETWEEN BITES OF MY THIN-CRUST SUPREME PIZZA (WITH THE BITS OF MUSHROOM THAT I CAN VISIBLY SEE PICKED OFF) I USUALLY ZONE MY SURROUNDINGS OUT.
SIDE BAR: FOR THOSE WHO ARE PEACOCKING AT MY DIET HERE, I HAD A DIET PEPSI (0 CALORIES), 1 CINNAMON ROLL (40 CALORIES), 2 COOKIES (20 CALORIES) AND 8 PIECES OF PIZZA (180 CALORIES) FOR A ROUGHLY 300 CALORIE LUNCH.
BACK TO THE MEAT AND POTATOES: BUD LIGHT. THE GENTLEMAN WHO BOASTED ABOUT HIS BOYCOTT HAD PEAKED MY INTEREST IN THE SITUATION SO I DID SOME RESEARCH. I TYPICALLY RECEIVE MOST OF MY NEWS FROM INFOWARS.COM BUT TO MY SURPRISE, DUE TO THE RECENT EVENTS IN TAIWAN, ALEX HAS HIS SIGHTS SET ON WWIII AND SELLING HIS SUPPLEMENT DNA FORCE PLUS FOR A 40% DISCOUNT OF $99.99 WITH NO CONTENT ON THE BUD LIGHT SITUATION FRONT AND CENTER. I AM GOING TO SAY BASICALLY WHAT I GATHERED IS A BORN MAN WHO HAS TRANSITIONED IS LEADING FROM THE FRONT FOR BUD LIGHT ON CREATING A MORE INCLUSIVE BRAND. THE AD-CAMPAIGN HAS NOT BEEN RECEIVED WELL BY THEIR CORE BASE AND I HAVE A SOLUTION TO WIN THEM BACK.
HOT CHICKS (CELEBRITIES): EASY START THAT I THINK WILL BE WELL RECEIVED WITH A TOUCH OF VIRAL NATURE TO IT: HOT GIRLS DRINKING BUD LIGHT FROM ALL GENERATIONS. I’D LIKE TO SEE MAYBE A 1960S BADDY SITTING ON A ‘67 CHEVELLE WITH AN ICE COLD BUD LIGHT. IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALSO KEEP THESE NON-TICTOC BADDIES. THE GOLDEN TICKET WOULD MAYBE BE STORMY DANIELS WITH A MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN HAT (THIS ARTICLE IS NON-POLITICAL BUT I THINK IF THIS WAS THROWN OUT IN A BOARDROOM, I THINK THE GUY IN GLASSES WOULD WRITE ON HIS STENO PAD TO TRY TO SPIN AS HIS OWN IDEA LATER.
LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE: THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE I THINK SHOCKINGLY EXISTED UP UNTIL COVID OR AT LEAST LONGER THAN YOU THINK AND I WOULD HAVE TO ASSUME THEY WOULD BE LOOKING FOR A NEW SPONSOR TO JUMPSTART THINGS AGAIN. I THINK BUD LIGHT WOULD BENEFIT TREMENDOUSLY FROM A GLOBETROTTERS LIKE TOUR OF THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE SIMILAR TO WHAT PAUL RABEL IS DOING WITH THE LACROSSE LEAGUE EXCEPT HAVE FANS SHOW UP. IF YOU COULD BE THE PRESENTING SPONSOR HERE, I THINK YOU AREN’T WINNING EVERYONE BACK, BUT I DON’T THINK KID ROCK IS SAYING HE’S “FOR SURE OUT” ON BEING OPEN TO DRINKING IT AGAIN.
HOT CHICKS WASHING CARS: I THINK THIS ONE HAS A LOT OF RUN TO IT. COOL HAND LUKE IS A GOOD FILM FOR REFERENCE HERE WITH PAUL NEWMAN AND WAYNE RODGERS WHERE YOU DON’T REALLY NEED TO ADVERTISE THE PRODUCT BUT JUST PUT IT OPAQUELY IN THE CORNER LIKE IT’S A BALL GAME ON ESPN. I THINK THIS WOULD BUILD SOME CREDIBILITY LIKE DANICA DID FOR GODADDY.COM WHICH TURNS OUT IS JUST A DOMAIN BUYING WEBSITE.
HOT CHICKS WHO ARE CHEERLEADERS: IF BUD LIGHT IS SERIOUS ABOUT WINNING THEIR CORE BACK, MAKE SURE YOU WIN THE CHEERLEADER BATTLE. NO ONE TESTS YOUR RIBCAGE MORE IF YOU’RE SEEING WHAT’S GOING ON DOWN DURING THE COMMERCIAL BREAK THAN A DAD WHEN THE CHEERLEADERS COME OUT. I THINK MAYBE JUST SHOW THEM CHEERING FOR BUD LIGHT TO WIN THE BALL GAME WOULD SUFFICE.
ALTHOUGH NONE OF THESE IDEAS ARE FINAL, I THINK IT’S FAIRLY EASY TO COURSE CORRECT FOR ANY FEARS YOU MAY HAVE HAD IN LOSING YOUR BASE. BUD LIGHT FAMOUSLY TRIPPED OVER THEIR OWN FEET BEFORE WITH THE CORN SYRUP THING DURING THE SUPER BOWL WHICH CAUSED MANY TO SWITCH TO BUSCH LIGHT, BUT IF YOU GIVE IT TIME AND TAKE THE RIGHT STEPS, I THINK THIS IS A FIXABLE SITUATION.